


Tribute

by Anonymous



Series: Be Thine Own Palace [8]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Affection, Angst and Feels, Bathing/Washing, Body Worship, Canon Backstory, Daddy Kink, Established Relationship, Feeding, Fix-It, Hair Washing, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Love, M/M, No Smut, Parent/Child Incest, References to Sex, slight age play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25245064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Shido senses that Goro might be confused. Does Goro really not know exactly how much he means to Shido? Is that possible?So. Shido intends to correct that.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Shido Masayoshi
Series: Be Thine Own Palace [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752943
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35
Collections: Anonymous





	Tribute

**Author's Note:**

> You read that right. No smut ^___^ The sex from the last part is mentioned a lot, though.
> 
> Give me soft, romantic shiake or give me death.

Shido checks his watch. The minute hand hasn’t moved at all since the last time he looked at it, but still. 

He glances out the window. The rain is still coming down. It’s been pissing all day. Sheets of persistent drops smack against the glass. Shido watches with distaste.

He’s sitting in his dining room, having just finished eating dinner. Right now, he’s alone. But he shouldn’t be. 

Goro is late.

Not terribly late, of course. Otherwise Shido would have called him or activated the location tracking device he put in his phone (for security reasons, obviously).The kid is just about a half hour or so past his usual time. However, Goro’s whole day schedule is set by the second hand, so. Even a half hour is unusual. 

Shido laces his fingers together. He fights the urge to touch the whiskey tucked away in the cabinet (he’s already had his allotment of alcohol for the day, and he’s been doing remarkably well. Slacking on his regimen at this point feels like giving in, and Shido is most definitely _not_ a quitter, never someone to back down from a challenge. So he refuses.) That’s an old habit, he tells himself. In the place he’s at now, he’s able to face the feeling that makes him want to drink. 

Something’s wrong. 

That much is obvious. 

Goro has been acting…off. They’re past the point that Shido would suspect anything like betrayal. He knows it’s not that. Still, Goro has been undeniably distant. A half step further out of reach than normal. Avoiding Shido’s gaze during meals. Giving Shido a smile that reminds Shido of the old days. The same smile Goro wears when he’s on TV. The fake one. 

And he’s been quiet during sex. Not totally quiet—the boy is simply not capable of that—but he doesn’t say the things that he normally does. The begging and goading that Shido loves to hear.

These are not alarming misdeeds, obviously. In the past, Shido would have written them off as just normal high school moodiness. 

But he can’t now. Not now. When they’re…

Shido tightens his fists. He looks around at the lavish dining room that technically belongs to him while they live in the Kantei. _They_. The two of them. In the _Kantei_.

That means something. In fact, it means a hell of a lot. 

Shido wishes he knew why Goro is pulling away from him. If he knew, then the first order of business would be to fix it. That’s the primary objective. Before his duties as minister and before his obligations to his constituents, Shido knows he needs to attend to Goro as his top priority. 

Because, without Goro, he loses the rest. Goro’s powers are what got him to this point in the first place. Shido won’t ever forget that. 

Moreover, without Goro…it would be meaningless. 

His son—although he can be a huge pain in the ass, distressingly emotional, and high maintenance—resides in a special place in Shido’s heart. A place that did not exist before him. Goro created this place himself, carved it out of Shido’s heart with his own bare, ruthless hands. Now he lives there. He lives directly inside Shido’s heart and there’s just nothing Shido can do about it. This place is partially a place for a son and partially a place for a lover. If you held the two up in front of him (which is a love meant for a son and which is a love meant for a lover?) Shido honestly couldn’t tell the difference. It’s all blended together at this point. Melded into one, giant, inescapable thing Shido uses a compass to guide his life.

He never thought he’d be like this in the face of love. But here he is. Checking his goddamn watch like a—

The door opens. Goro walks in. 

The sight of him strikes that at place in Shido’s heart. It throbs, distressed. Shido grits his teeth. He sits stiffly in his char and watches Goro take a seat in his usual place at the table. 

He blinks. What the hell is this now. 

“You’re soaking wet,” Shido barks. Before ‘hello’ or ‘welcome home.’ He can’t believe Goro would just sit on the plush seat in his dripping wet clothes! Not only that, _why_ is Goro wet? Did he fall in a pond on his way over here or something? “What happened?”

Goro pours himself a glass of water. His gloves’ wet leather squeaks against the glass in crude protest (they were never meant to get soaked like this). Shrugging, he answers, “I forgot my umbrella.” 

Right. The rain. Shido frowns. “That’s not like you…” he points out. 

Goro says nothing. He pushes the food (a delicious meal prepared by their personal chefs) around his plate. He’s not eating. Shido would be a fool not to notice that. Goro, he’s realizing, has a somewhat disconcerting relationship with food. He'll often forget to eat (too ‘preoccupied’ with his own busy life) and go a whole day or more without eating. Unless Shido catches him in the act. It’s part of the reason why this ritual of eating dinner together started in the first place, despite the fact that their schedules are so different. Shido wants to personally make sure Goro gets at least one good meal in him a day. 

He’s a young man. He needs to keep up his strength. Shido will simply not allow Goro to become physically weak on his watch. The kid should really be spending more time in the gym to tone his body instead of skipping meals. That’s what Shido did when he was Goro’s age! What he still does to this day. 

But all that is besides the point. Goro is drenched down to his socks and he’s sitting there like this totally normal. 

It’s not.

“You should go change,” Shido offers. “You’ll get a chill sitting there like that.” 

Goro’s eyes sweep over to him. They’re large and cold. Guarded with a kind of suspicion Shido hasn’t seen in a while. Then, incongruously, Goro is smiling. That television smile. “Thank you for your concern, Shido-san,” he says. “But it’s fine. I won’t be here long.” 

“Where are you running off to?” Shido’s fingers drum softly against the wooden table. Relaying his displeasure. 

“My room.” Goro takes a bite of food. The barest of bites. “I have homework to do, so.” 

Yes, the endless homework. Shido sighs. “I see.” 

Silence ensues. This is a mundane conversation. If Goro weren’t sitting there looking like something the cat dragged in, this would be an innocuous night like any other. 

But Shido can’t leave it alone. Those eyes…that distant look, like Goro is staring at him from behind a glass vault. Locked away. Impossible to reach. Shido knows those eyes. He wishes he didn’t. 

“If you got caught without your umbrella, why didn’t you just call me?” (Obviously…) “I would have picked you up.” By that he means, he would have gotten one of his drivers to pick him up. Same difference.

Goro blinks at his plate. “I didn’t want to bother you…”

A spasm of frustrated anger whips through Shido’s throat. He’s getting better at reigning it in, but. Sometimes Goro tests him. He really fucking does.

Huffing and rolling his eyes, Shido says, “It’s no bother. You know that.” 

Goro stares at something on the far side of the dining room. His eyes twitch like he’s watching an event unfold. Shido follows his gaze but he doesn’t see anything. Must be something in Goro’s head. By now Shido knows that Goro’s memory can operate like a movie theatre, projecting old scenes with remarkable clarity. Unfortunately, Goro doesn’t always have control over what’s playing.

He doesn’t respond to Shido’s words.

Lips ironed into a thin crease, Shido nods. This is the line, goddamn it. Something’s got to give! Shido won’t stand for this evasiveness a moment longer! 

“Alright.” He leans back in his chair. “I’ll bite. Why are you sulking, Goro?” 

“I’m not sulking.” The words sound cheap and robotic. Not at all Goro’s best work as far as lies are concerned. 

“Uh-huh. You’ve been doing this for days.” Shido crosses his arms defensively. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing…” Goro swirls his knife over his food. Slicing it thinly, like he’s trying to slowly torture it to death.

Shido has had enough. 

“Goro.” His voice is low. Reprimanding. A tone he hardly uses anymore. “Stop.” 

Shoulders twitching, Goro ducks his head. It’s an automatic response. Then, defiant, he looks up and meets Shido’s hot iron gaze. “Stop what?” he asks, every bit the petulant child he is inside. 

“This thing you’re doing. Lying, avoiding my questions. Hiding something from me.” In a very genuine way, Shido _cannot_ stand that. “ _Enough_.” 

Goro’s lips tremble. He narrows his eyes to slits and looks at Shido from behind the curtain of his bangs. A dark expression. But Shido really couldn’t care less! He’s seen all of Goro’s darkness before. It doesn’t scare him. 

They stare each other down for a tense minute. 

Probably because he’s so off his game, Goro breaks first. His shoulders sag. He lets out a tired breath and pinches his eyes between his thumb and forefinger. The exasperated gesture of someone four times his age. Precocious, as ever. When he looks back at Shido, Goro’s not trying to hide his annoyance. But his face is wetter now from his gloves. He looks like a complete mess. 

“Then what do you want from me, Shido-san.” 

That doesn’t sound like a question and it pisses Shido off. “I want you to cut the bullshit,” he explains, miraculously cool. “Talk to me. What is it?” 

Like pins in a ball bearing, Goro’s eyes roll to one side. He’s looking at something again. And he’s quiet. 

Shido sees this as an opportunity to fire his shot. “We had an agreement, didn’t we? I made promises to you. And in return you agreed that you wouldn’t go off on your own when you’re upset.” 

Goro smiles with a pained wince. “I thought you said it wasn’t a deal.” 

“It wasn’t,” Shido rushes to say. “It was an…agreement. That’s different. Reasonable people can agree to something without having to sign their lives away on some contract.” He’s mincing words here. Splitting hairs. Shido _hates_ this mealy mouthed nonsense! It’s one of the things he despises most about politicians, one of his least-used cards.

But Goro backed him into a corner, so…

“Whatever.” Shido waves his hand, pushing that matter to the side. “The point is, we discussed this. I thought the matter was said and done.” 

He lowers his voice. Gentling. He stretches one hand in Goro’s direction, laying it on the table like a peace offering. “You said you would talk to me, Goro. And here I am. So…talk.”

Goro stares at Shido’s hand. A thousand fleeting emotions cross his face; Shido can’t possibly track them all. Then, appearing suddenly quite a bit smaller, he raises his hand to put it on top of Shido’s. He almost does it, except within a hair’s breadth of distance, he drops the hand. Leaving it on the table. Defeated. A corpse for Shido to conquer, if he even wants to.

“I saw something today…” Goro begins. His voice is smooth but tense. Violin strings tuned too tightly. Ready to snap. Most people would not be able to sense the tension there, but Shido can spot it a mile away. 

More or less, he knows what’s coming. The kinds of things Goro talks about when he sounds like this.

“Go on,” Shido says anyway. Steeling himself.

“There was a little boy in Shibuya station. Four years old, I think, or five. He was walking along in his rain coat and boots and then he tripped over something in the street. He landed hard on the wet pavement, face first. He started crying…” 

Goro’s eyes are distant. He’s watching it happen all over again. This is what he’s been preoccupied with? What does this have to do with anything…? 

“He was bawling. Like, it was embarrassing. He was crying like a kid half his age. People started to notice. Soon enough a man with an umbrella came running over from the ticket booth. I guess he was asking for directions or something and he turned his back for a second…” Goro takes a slow, deep breath. “He was the kid’s father. I know because the kid kept saying ‘Daddy, daddy, it hurt…’ So the man picked him up and wiped his face. He scolded the boy for wandering off, and the kid apologized. They hugged each other for a long time…” Goro’s eyes go still. Focused. “Even though the kid was so wet, his father hugged him until he stopped crying. Then they held hands and walked into the subway.” 

Shido twists the story around in his head. Completely at a loss for how this is relevant. 

“I don’t know why I even noticed…” Goro adds. “But I guess it was because…I had a jacket like that when I was a kid his age. It was a different color, though—his was red and mine was yellow. I think it had little frogs on it or something.” He rubs his eyebrow, trying to recall. “I remember Mom saved up for months to buy it for me. I used to go out in the rain just to wear it because that made me feel special. Having a coat that could protect me from the rain. To a kid, you know…” He sighs. “I thought I had superpowers or something.” 

A ghost of a smile rises to Goro’s lips, then dies. He shakes his head. “But one time I fell. Just like that kid. I fell into a puddle and got soaked, right though the coat. Down to my skin. The water was freezing and dirty and I scraped my face on the sidewalk…I started to cry…” 

He trails off. “I was alone, though. I was always alone. So it wasn’t like…” He pauses. Ending the thought there. “Eventually I just stopped crying and walked home. It was no big deal. I was fine.” 

Goro shrugs. “Wearing the coat didn’t feel so special anymore after that. Guess I’d seen through the trick.” 

What a horrible story! Shido is disgusted. His mind reels. To say nothing of letting a four year old child walk around on the street by themselves, Goro probably got sick from that! Puddles are filthy! And kids have weak immune systems. That never should have been allowed to happen! 

Shido turns his hand upside down. Palm up. He wants to hold Goro in his arms, but he knows Goro might not be ready for that right now. So he’ll just do this. Offer it. 

To his dismay, Goro doesn’t take his hand. Instead, he keeps going. “I guess it was in my head because I was already soaked from standing out there with no umbrella. And watching that kid get carried home…under the umbrella.” Goro’s eyes clench as he blinks, like a nervous tic. “I don’t know. I just thought of you for some reason.” 

“Me?” Shido finds it in himself to be surprised. “Why me?” 

Goro looks at him. Expressionless. “No reason.” 

Well it wasn’t Shido’s fault that Goro forgot his umbrella! His son should have used that foresight of his and read the weather report! And it’s not Shido’s fault that Goro got hurt when he was a kid! He wasn’t there—

Oh. 

Right.

Picking up the breadcrumbs at a glacial pace, Shido begins to see some connection here. His heart stutters in his chest. A familiar pill is stuck in his throat. Nearly impossible to swallow. He wants to thump his ribs to get it down, but he knows that won’t help. Nothing will. He just has to sit there and take it. Take the discomfort. Ride it out.

Shido takes a moment to adjust his glasses. He doesn’t have any excuses or explanations—he ran out of those a long time ago. Now is the aftermath. He’s not the bombs dropping on the battlefield (not anymore, at least), he’s the triage that comes in once it’s over to find what’s still alive and nurse it back to health. 

He’s the triage. Shido. Him, of all people. 

He’s accepted this. After listening to Goro’s story (he correctly predicted it would be something from his past, thankfully not too brutal of a story, not comparatively speaking to the other things Goro has shared with Shido. But still alarming in its own way), Shido knows what he needs to do.

He rises from the table.

“Come on,” he orders. “Let’s go to my room.” 

He should have said ‘our room,’ but. They both know what he means.

_______________________________

Now that the doors of their room are closed behind them, Goro can finally say the rest of what’s on his mind. He needs to tell Shido. Even though it’s embarrassing as hell and it’s stupid (he knows it’s stupid, alright?). Regardless of all that, it’s his reality. It’s what he’s been feeling.

What Shido said at the table is true: Goro did agree to talk to him. In times like these specifically. Talking to Shido about Emotions and Feelings is never easy, but they have to try. In order for this arrangement between them to work, so that they don’t go back to lies and mutually assured destruction, they have to try. 

Besides, in another way, Goro _wants_ to tell Shido. He doesn’t like hiding things from him. He wants Shido to know so that he can _fix it_ … 

Shido has become remarkably good at fixing Goro’s problems. He’s remarkably good at creating them, too. But the fixing stays with Goro the most. Fixing is what lasts. 

“Take off your clothes,” Shido orders. He throws his suit jacket over the back of a chair and starts rolling up his sleeves. 

Goro genuinely has no idea where this is going. It doesn’t feel like sex is about to happen. Shido isn’t giving him that look. He’s not looking at Goro at all actually. He’s headed into the washroom. 

Whatever. Goro is _freezing_. He’s been shivering since the moment he walked in; the air conditioning in the Kantei is horrible against his wet clothes and skin. His hands are shaking and his teeth are chattering. 

He’s happy to finally be able to strip off his wet clothes. He lays everything on the floor and wraps his arms around his stomach. This room—Shido’s room, _their_ room—is a familiar backdrop in this sense. Goro has been naked here many, many times. Right now, though, he’s feeling more exposed than ever.

…Why did he tell Shido that story? What a pointless story from his childhood! It’s humiliating for Goro, too! He doesn’t want to admit to being a blubbering, lonely kid in front of Shido! His father, his boss, his worst enemy, his lover, his…husband, maybe? Who the hell knows! It doesn’t even matter! Goro should stop oversharing and just keep that shit to himself! 

But Shido wanted to know, so…Goro told him. Even though it was embarrassing. He told him what he was thinking. Because again, they have to try. 

The truth is: It had hurt. Seeing that kid with his father in Shibuya. Goro knows where the pain comes from, but he’s still shocked at the intensity of it. He thought that place was long since healed (because even if you ignore something, doesn’t it heal after a time?). Apparently not. Seeing that kid felt like tearing out the stitches of an old wound. Or cutting along the outline of a scar. Deep pain in a familiar place that he’d honestly thought was gone. That stupid memory of him in his raincoat as a kid…

It hasn’t healed. Today, Goro felt like that kid all over again. Cold, wet, hurt, and alone. With no one there to offer him an umbrella. 

…what an idiot. Goro knows he’s an idiot for giving in to those feelings. He has so much with Shido, now. The past made Goro who he is today, he won’t pretend it didn’t happen. But why does he have to keep reliving it over and over? Is he a glutton for punishment? Does he think something will change if he keeps imagining it? And Shido…?

Does he even—?

The doubts have been swarming Goro’s mind like crazy. Old doubts. Birds that have flapped their wings so much and so hard their feathers and skin all fell off, leaving nothing but the skeleton underneath. Those skeletal birds fly in circles around and around inside Goro’s head. Beating against the cage of his insecure brain.

It’s never been more apparent what an idiot Goro really is. Standing nude, quaking, balls shrunk up inside of him, in Shido’s room. Waiting for something to happen. Tormented by anxiety and doubts that just won’t go away…

Out of the blue, he hears Shido running water in the washroom. There’s the heavy sound of the tub filling up. Before he can process what that means, Shido reappears holding two towels. One is soaking wet, while the other is dry, thick, and fluffy. 

Saying nothing, Shido approaches Goro with the wet towel. His face is completely serious. Not concerned with any argument Goro might have about this, Shido wraps the towel around Goro’s shoulders. At first Goro gasps—afraid of the shock to his already cold body—but he immediately stills when he feels that the towel is warm. Comfortably so! Like the inside of a loaf of bread after it’s been cooling a while. Warm enough to melt butter and cool enough to eat. 

Goro’s skin sighs against the towel. Latching onto the heat greedily. He holds it against himself. Shido doesn’t let him hold it for long, though. He starts rubbing the towel all over Goro’s body, from head to toe. Quickly and succinctly. A man on a mission: Wiping away the filthy rain water like a bad memory. Replacing it with the warmth of the towel.

Goro can’t stop gasping! He’s sucking in air fast enough to make him dizzy! But he can’t stop. Everywhere Shido touches him feels like a new place—even though Shido has touched his body a thousand times before! 

Never like this, though. His strong hands are hidden behind the towel, but Goro is aware of them even more than usual. They press into him with confidence and pride. Taking Goro’s breath away by force.

“Sh-shido…!” Goro is overwhelmed by the attention. He can’t remember an occasion when he’s let himself be manhandled like this, if it wasn’t for sex. And this is clearly not sex. It’s something else. 

“Relax,” Shido says. He’s not smiling or smirking or cajoling him into begging. He’s just focused. “It’s me. Not like I haven’t touched you before.” 

“I know—but—what are you doing?” It takes a lot for Goro to get a sentence out around his gasps. Especially because Shido just wiped him between his legs. Cursory and efficient, making Goro nearly jump out of his skin.

“You need to warm up, immediately.” Shido frowns. “You’ve been careless today. I’m correcting your mistake. And…” He doesn’t finish that thought. He shakes his head and says, “Just get in the bath.” 

“Bath?” Goro glances into the washroom. Sure enough, the steam rising out of the room indicates that the tub is nearly full. 

“Did I stutter?” Shido’s face is hard. “You heard me. Get in there, young man.” 

This kind of treatment is making Goro’s head spin! Shido is being nice (is he?) but he’s not letting Goro get a word in edgewise! It still feels like being ordered around and Goro didn’t come here for this. He wants to talk! 

“I’m…” Goro pulls away. Curling in on himself to hold onto the heat (it’s not easy leaving the sweet warmth of that towel). “I’m perfectly capable of bathing myself on my own time. I don’t need to be led in here like a child. Besides, that’s not important right now—”

“It is. It is important.” Like some kind of tiger wrangler, Shido wraps the towel around Goro again, pulling him in close. 

At this distance, Goro can smell Shido’s unique scent. Mint and sandalwood, a custom cologne Shido monopolizes. It goes straight to Goro’s head, like always. Plus, there is a small triangle of toned flesh peaking out of Shido’s buttoned down shirt. Goro is face to face with it. He feels like the scent is stronger there. 

“Mmm…” 

This smell. It means so much to Goro. It’s Shido, his father. The man in his life. This is the smell that Goro falls asleep to at night, that he wakes up to in the morning. The smell that used to haunt all his sexual fantasies and that now envelops him when they’re fucking in real time. This smell is Goro’s world. 

Moaning softly—this smell may or may not turn Goro from a lion into a helpless kitten—Goro’s head falls onto Shido’s chest. He delights when Shido’s arms tighten around him. Holding him in a warm, godly-smelling, steamy hug. 

This…

This hug. 

Goro’s mind stops as he registers what it feels like to be wrapped in Shido’s arms. This is his home. His true home. A place that no one can take away from him, because it’s not technically a place! It’s a person. Shido is his person, his place. His home.

“There’s still something you’re not telling me,” Shido rumbles, pressing a kiss to Goro’s head. Rubbing circles into his back. “Are you finally ready to share what’s been bothering you the past few days? There’s no use pretending anymore.” 

Goro rubs his cheek against Shido’s skin. Longing to be even closer to him than they are now. “I…” he says. Fighting back the memories—

_“OH Shido-sama! Your cock is incredible!”_

_“Does that make you cum, you begging cunt?”_

_“I never knew real cock felt this good!”_

Fucking idiots. Perverts and sluts. Why does Goro even care…? But then, somehow there’s also—

_“It hurts! I got hurt! Mommy? Mommy?! Someone!”_

_The silence. Rain falling._

_“…Anyone?”_

_More silence._

Fuck. Goro squeezes his eyes. He doesn’t want to remember these things anymore! 

“Goro?” 

He looks up. Shido is still staring at him. “It’s alright. You can tell me.” A thumb smoothes down the side of Goro’s face. Soothing him. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We agreed, right?” 

The words seep into Goro’s flesh along with the warmth from the towel. He’s trying so hard not to cry. But the words are like bubbles teasing the underside of his skin, the muscles and the bones. An alien sensation. Impossible to ignore. 

“Trust me,” Shido encourages. He presses a soft kiss on Goro’s cheekbone. “You need to trust me, Goro. ….Please.”

Why. Why why why whywh—it’s not fair—why—! 

Why does Shido have to use that word with him?! Goro is completely powerless against his father’s ‘please’! It feels wrong! Shido shouldn’t be the one to ask him for things, and yet—and yet when he does, Goro has no choice but to concede everything! There must be some kind of biological trick to this. There has to be! The reason why Goro is utterly incapable of refusing any request from Shido if he tags on a ‘please’ somewhere. 

Does Shido know this? Probably.

Even so.

Broken into pieces, lined with cracks that expose his fleshy insides, Goro wraps his arms around Shido’s neck. “Papa…” he whimpers. He’s there, in that headspace. Already, fuck. He’s there. “Papa, are you…going in the palace again anytime soon?” 

“Hm? The palace?” Shido lifts Goro’s chin to look him in the eye. “What’s this about?” 

Goro shakes his head. He’s showing all his cards! The whole damn hand! His childish jealousy and pettiness! His insecurities, his dependency…! 

_But!_

“Well…I thought…since Papa liked fucking the me in there so much…” Goro can’t bear to keep looking at him. He turns away in shame.

Shido’s jaw literally drops. “What…are you…?” His eyes pop behind his glasses and he shakes his head. “Are you serious?”

“I know it’s stupid!!” Goro is shouting now. Even though he doesn’t want to be. “But I can’t help it! What the hell was I supposed to think?! You were…fucking him and saying all those things…and I thought…” Goro wags his head from side to side. “I felt like I lost to him. Like I’d lost you to him—” 

“Goro. Stop talking.” 

Shido grabs both sides of Goro’s head. His metal eyes stare into Goro’s very soul. “You can’t possibly be jealous of that thing.” 

“I am!” Tears leak out from the corners of Goro’s eyes. He can’t stop them. “I am jealous because! Because…! Because I thought…” His eyes are two shimmeringdinner plates. Wide and wet. “I thought _I_ was your boy…” 

A fierce pair of lips close around Goro’s own. Effectively silencing him. Shido holds his lips there for quite a while, long enough that they’re both panting by the time he finally lets him go. 

“You are,” Shido promises. Giving him a face that leaves no room for contradictions. “You are my boy, Goro.” 

Goro’s head flops down onto Shido’s chest. He sips those words like a wine that will get him drunk too fast. “Am I…? Your only one?” 

“Yes.” 

The newness of that is in how fast and how confidently Shido says it. He’s said pretty things to Goro in the past, how no one but Goro will ever be enough for him in bed. How he needs Goro to be the only one who can use palaces. Things like that. 

But, Goro has never asked him to commit. To admit, point blank, that there are no others and that there never will be. That Goro is his _only one_. And here, in the face of that question, Shido didn’t even think about answering any other way. He didn’t prevaricate or obfuscate by turning it around on him. He just said simply: Yes.

Now Goro can’t do anything but stare. 

“Goro, for me, there is no one but you. If you still don’t believe me, then…” Shido bounces his eyebrows in disbelief. Suddenly he’s grinning ear to ear. As cocky as anything! “Then I’ll show you. I’ll prove it. You just relax. Don’t say anything, don’t move a muscle. I’ll take care of everything. Alright?” 

Essentially ending all conversation, Shido tugs Goro by the elbow into the washroom. Goro is helplessly led to the tub. He knows on some intellectual level that Shido wants him to get in the bath, but he still doesn’t move. Part of him doesn’t want to leave Shido’s embrace and the other part.

What is Shido going to do to him here? An old fear stirs. The fear he used to have back in the beginning for the power Shido has over him, the things his father would be able to do to him if he put half his mind to it. Goro hasn’t felt that fear in a long time, but…he can’t possibly imagine what comes next. 

“Get in.” Shido tosses the wet towel to the floor. He holds out his hand. Offering to help Goro into the tub. 

“I…” Goro wants to trust that hand. To take it and know that it won’t end up hurting him in the end. Either by some kind of diabolical plan or by emotional and mental ruin…

“Goro.” 

Shido is glaring at him. This is not up for debate. Goro has to do this, whether he wants to or not. In that case…he hopes Shido will be gentle with him, at least. Not hurt him too badly. Or else, Goro hopes, it will be over quickly. 

A resignation he’s ingrained in himself since his youth steels his nerves. He takes Shido’s hand and steps in. 

The water is hot! A resounding shudder works its way from Goro’s legs through to the top of his scalp. It’s hot, but not painfully so. It’s the kind of heat that suffuses your muscles and makes your tendons and nerves unwind. It feels like a massage, this heat. It’s…soothing. Especially because Goro has been so cold and tight all afternoon. He lets out an overwhelmed sigh.

“How’s the temperature?” Shido asks, easing Goro into a sitting position. 

Goro grips Shido’s hands, steadying himself against the inundating heat. He’s in the water up to his shoulders now and he feels almost numb from how pleasant it is. Slithering relief coils around his limbs. Making it hard to move or think. 

He really needed this, Goro realizes. He knows it’s a bad idea to let his guard down, but he can’t help it. This water is unmaking him! 

He looks up at Shido, swallowing his own pitiful gasps. “It’s…good…” he says weakly. 

Shido nods. Satisfied. He gets down on his knees in front of the tub, producing a washcloth and tall cup from somewhere. Goro eyes the things like weapons. Guarded. Unsure if he needs to find a way to flee.

“I said relax,” Shido barks lowly. He submerges the cup in the bath water and fills it. “Can you even do that at least?” 

Goro can’t. He holds his knees to his chest, on the defensive. He’s never been in the bath with someone like this, when the other person was clothed and he was not. It feels unbalanced. Goro can’t trust it. He doesn’t like it—

Sighing, Shido pours the water over Goro’s head. Blinding warmth drenches Goro’s entire body. He gasps deeply, unable to hide. So warm! The water chases away the paralyzing coldness he’s been battling, filling the leftover space inside Goro with nothing but nourishing heat. Before he can even get his breath back, Shido pours another cup of water over him. This time targeting the back of his neck. The water slides down his shoulders, leaving swaths of comfort in its wake. 

“Hmph. Well. At least you’re staying still for me. Keep your eyes closed, alright?” Shido rubs soap onto the washcloth. Remarkably skilled with his hands. Goro’s never seen Shido use his rough, cunning hands for anything like this before, a mundane thing like washing and bathing. It’s…

Well, it’s sexy. 

But he closes his eyes on command. In the darkness, he feels the washcloth running over his face. It’s gentle! It’s not too rough, it doesn’t hurt. 

How…how does Shido have this in him? This softness. Cleaning Goro’s face with a warm washcloth, smoothing away tears and rain and fear and hurt? A hurt that’s been residing in Goro’s skin since before he can remember—since the day he was born, probably! He can’t remember anyone ever washing his face before. Not even his mother cleaned him like this when he was a kid. He was habitually dirty, so much so that it became a problem for his teachers (the smell that kids used to laugh at and the responsibility to call children’s services, which was never done, out of pity). The problem only got solved when Goro was old enough to figure out how to bathe himself. Which he did fairly early out of necessity. 

But this…getting cleaned by another person…

By Shido, who shouldn’t be able to ape this kind of care, not in a million years. 

“I…” Goro shuts his mouth as Shido runs the washcloth over his lips. Was that an attempt to silence him? Fuck that. Goro spits out water and starts again, “I can bathe myself, Shido-san. You don’t have to do this.”

“Quiet.” Shido drags the washcloth down Goro’s neck, making his son shiver. “I said no talking.” 

When the washcloth drags down his arms, Goro finds he doesn’t have any argument left. He’s lost control of this, of whatever happens to him now, and that’s scary but…in a way, it’s not. 

Shido is his person, Goro remembers. They agreed. They promised. Shido won’t hurt him. He’s just going to… 

“I can’t believe you’ve been thinking about the palace all this time,” Shido begins. Lifting Goro’s arm to scrub his armpits. Thorough and careful. “You should have said something sooner.” 

“……” Goro wants to respond, but he has no idea what to say. There’s no defense for why he didn’t admit it on his own, especially since he’s the one who suggested they all have sex together in the first place! For once, he’s glad that Shido gave him the order not to talk. 

“But I understand,” Shido continues. Rubbing circles into Goro’s chest with the cloth. “I was jealous too in the beginning, obviously. That’s how this all started. So. I get it.” 

That’s true.

Shido passes the cloth down to Goro’s legs. His legs! They’re so long, it must be such a hassle to clean them! He flinches away from Shido’s touch. But Shido doesn’t let him escape. He hold Goro’s legs down so he can clean all of them. Every inch of them. Both legs. From the top of his thighs to his ankles, back and forth. 

“Ngh…” Goro can’t help responding to the touch. He’s getting over-stimulated. Extremely sensitized. His skin feels soft and fresh and so very naked. Every time Shido touches him, Goro can feel it in his cock, his core, in his soul. He’s hard and trembling—trapped by a myriad of feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. 

He’s reminded of another memory. Being fifteen with nowhere to go. Goro used to sleep in manga cafes, making friends with the staff so that they would let him stay. But you could only get so clean in a manga cafe. Most days, Goro only managed to give his face a cursory wash in the bathroom sink. He sprayed himself down with some body spray to fight the smell of unwashed human that clung to him. (The spray cost way too much, but was a necessity in order to ingratiate himself with people.) Ran a toothbrush over his mouth with some toothpaste he stole from a hotel lobby bathroom. Once a week Goro managed to scrape together enough money for the public baths, but that money was rapidly running out. Soon enough Goro would have to resort to other means to convince people to let him into the baths…

That was it. That was how he kept clean while he was homeless, before he awakened to his persona and came up with the idea to confront Shido. 

Now this…

Goro opens his eyes, even though Shido told him not to. He stares into the clear water, watching Shido’s hands cleaning his feet with impunity. With cool authority (even though it does feel a little forced; this must be the first time Shido’s done something like this himself). He has a hard time accepting that any of this is real—that he’s allowed to have something as comfortable, relaxing, and painless as this—but the evidence is right in front of his eyes. 

He glances up at Shido. The man looks focused. Preoccupied with making sure there isn’t anywhere on Goro left untouched. Even the spaces between his toes. (The flesh becomes pink and squishy, like a newborn baby.) 

“Shido…” Goro doesn’t want to look away from his father’s face. He wants to stare at him forever.

“What.” Shido isn’t mad that he talked. He’s too focused on keeping water mostly in the tub while he works (although his white dress shirt is soaked through from the excess water, that can’t be helped).

“I love you.” 

At that, Shido glances at him. He sees the floored expression on Goro’s face and smiles. “I know,” he says. He lifts Goro’s foot out of the water and presses a devilish kiss to the sole, making Goro cry out softly. “I love you, too.” 

Tears burn the back of Goro’s eyes. Made worse by the steam from the bath. He closes his eyes against the sting. “Do you, really…?” 

“Yes, of course.” Shido’s bare hand strokes the side of Goro’s crumpled face. “Don’t I tell you that every night?” 

Goro nods guiltily. “But…do you mean it?” 

Shido’s hand freezes. There’s a tense moment of silence. Goro looks at Shido desperately—but finds that Shido’s cheeks are tinged red. Is that embarrassment? …What the hell? 

His father sighs. “It seems my efforts have not been sufficient enough.” He shakes his head sadly. “I thought this might be the case. I’m…sorry.” 

Goro sputters an incredulous laugh. “What the fuck are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry I don’t…hmph.” Shido clicks his tongue irritably. “Do you remember what I said when we started this? How I told you my means were limited?” 

Goro nods.

“Well this is what I meant. I don’t always know how to…” Shido’s hands gesture awkwardly. Hacking away at some kind of shame that must drive him crazy. “How to make you feel the way you should. You should be confident and secure in my feelings for you. You shouldn’t ever have to wonder whether I’m telling the truth or not. That should be a given.”

Shoulders straightening, pulling himself together, Shido pushes his glasses up with the back of his wet hand. He looks Goro in the eye. “But it’s obviously not, so. For that I…apologize.” 

Tingling need and love and want chop Goro’s heart to bits. He can’t. He _really_ can’t. If Shido keeps talking then he’s going to float away! He’ll combust, he’ll die! He won’t be able to take it! The sincere, gratifying kind of relief that fills his belly when Shido talks to him like this. It’s too much! 

Nodding silently, Goro grips Shido’s hand in both of his own. 

At his core, Goro is a greedy bastard. 

He wants Shido to keep going. 

Fortunately for both of them, Shido knows what Goro needs. “Is it enough if I tell you now, like this, not because of the agreement or the routine we have or anything…I love you? Is it enough for you to hear it like this?”

Sobbing, Goro presses his face into Shido’s hand. He wants it to be enough. He really fucking wishes it was. But the reality is…

There are so many years behind them. Moments, days, literal _years_. Goro is trying to focus on the present. On the future. On the things they can build together moving forward, instead of the things that went wrong in the past…

But it’s hard.

“It’s alright,” Shido murmurs. Leaning his face in close, heedless of how wet he must be getting. “I know it’s not enough. That’s fine. I intend to spend every day from here on out proving to you again and again that I mean what I say. Every single day. Maybe by then…” He kisses Goro’s cheek, brushing his tears away with his own face. “After many, _many_ more days like this, maybe then it will be enough. At least partly.” 

They stare at each other. The moment is soft but honest. Something firm settles around them. It’s hard and insurmountable, undeniable. It’s the realization of they both need to do from now on: Shido needs to work on making Goro feel like he’s loved and Goro needs to work on believing him. 

But now that the realization is here, there is stability in the task. Reliability. Assuredness. Like surveilling a boulder you know you need to climb. Learning the jagged edges of it, the ins and outs. The places where you might slip. Once you put your hands and feet to the climb, it won’t be so hard. Because you know your enemy now. 

They press their foreheads together. Quiet agreement. Acceptance. Goro feels so wonderfully cared for that he doesn’t even know what to say. What to admit, what to promise. He just wants Shido to hold him. To rest on his chest. To be owned. To belong to him. In every way. 

“Here, come closer. Lay back.” Shido tugs Goro’s shoulder into position, against the rim of the tub. “Let me do your hair.” 

Sweet smelling shampoo and Shido’s powerful fingers cow Goro into blithering idiocy. He can’t stop making noises now. Little sounds of pleasure, of need. Of happiness so strong it’s terrifying. Shido is so skilled at massaging his scalp. Just enough pressure, as thorough as he was with the rest of Goro’s body. 

In this position, his body worshipfully cleaned down to the last hair on his head, Goro can feel Shido’s love for him. He basks in it. Mumbling strange sounds that don’t make sense.

“Mmm..ah, nnh. Fu…juh…mm—ck! Yeh. Ah!” 

To an outsider, it would probably sound like Goro is getting railed into next week. But he’s not. He’s just getting his hair washed. 

“I hope you know now that you shouldn’t be in any way jealous of the you in my palace.” Shido speaks over Goro’s rambling nonsense like it doesn’t bother him. “You understand that the creature was created from the perception I had of you in the beginning. Or…what I wanted you to be, really.” Shido combs his fingers over the base of Goro’s skull. Effortlessly unmanning his son. “You being obedient and willing like that…it was a fantasy of mine. Did you know that?” 

Of course Goro did. Objectively, anyway. He nods, biting his lips to attempt to stop the sounds. To no avail.

“So when I was fucking him, I was just acting out that fantasy I had of you. It was…” Shido huffs. “Well, this is humiliating, but I’ll tell you. Fucking that thing felt more like masturbating than actually having sex. I mean, I was literally giving it to some figment of my own imagination. It was good, yeah, in the way that getting yourself off feels good because…hmph, I’m sure you know. Since you’re a man, too. A man knows his own needs better than anyone else.”

That makes a certain kind of sense. Goro thinks he understands. Since he likes having sex with the cognitive version of himself, too. That feels quite a bit like masturbating, as well…in some respects. In others, it just feels incredibly good to be with someone who understands and feels exactly what Goro himself feels. It’s a visceral connection. And it’s very hot. 

Either way though, having sex with cognitive beings is a pleasure that exists in the space between your ears. You get a head orgasm. It’s not the same as the pleasure that comes from experiencing another person’s wholeness. Apparently Shido and Goro have both learned that lesson. 

“And besides,” Shido continues, pouring more water over Goro’s head to rinse out the shampoo. Shielding Goro’s eyes with one hand to prevention any soap from getting inside. “It was a fantasy I had about _you_ , Goro. At the end of the day, my mind and body both wished it was really you I was doing all those things to. There’s no way to deny that. Even you can see it, can’t you?” 

It’s true. Goro can see that. So he nods.

“I’m sorry, Papa,” he mutters. Blushing. “I’m sorry for doubting you.” 

Shido smiles on one side of his face. “Like I said, it’s fine. Just make sure you don’t forget what I said, alright?” 

Goro sits up. His bath is finished. He feels incredibly refreshed! An old ache that lived in the marrow of his bones feels like it’s been massaged away. Goro feels light and malleable. Energized! 

He nods resolutely. “I won’t. I promise.” 

“Good. Step out, now. I’ve got you.” 

Holding tightly to Goro’s hands, Shido helps him out of the bath. While his son stands there, dripping wet, Shido brings the other towel from before and dries him off. The towel is so soft and fluffy. Goro can’t help a giggle that works its way out of him. He feels like a little kid. Like a cat that got scooped out of the rain, groomed, and cared for by loving human hands.

It’s a special feeling. Goro loves it. He laughs as Shido messes up his hair, toweling his head too fast. When he looks, he sees that Shido is smiling too. Is he being playful?! Is that a thing?! 

Feels like a miracle.

He jumps into Shido’s arms. Locking his arms and legs around him, refusing to let go for anything. He wants to live here, now. Like some weird cursed ghost. He’ll live the rest of his life latched onto Shido’s body and there’s nothing anyone can do about it! 

Unfortunately, Shido can’t exactly walk with Goro hanging on him like this. So, he settles for wrangling Goro into a fireman’s carry. Hoisted over one shoulder like he’s being rescued. It’s actually hilarious and Goro can’t stop laughing. He doesn’t want Shido to put him down, but this is embarrassing! His bare ass is hanging in the air, his limbs are dangling off Shido’s body uselessly. But he can’t do anything about it! So he just laughs and laughs. 

Shido carries Goro over to their shared bed. He throws him down with a grunt. Landing in the sheet feels like landing on a cloud. Goro laughs until he gets tired,petering out into a yawn. He’s exhausted. It’s been such a long day. 

He holds his arms out to Shido, who is on the phone they use for internal calls within the Kantei. Goro doesn’t remember hearing it ring. “Papa…!” he whines. Very, very needy. “Come lay with me!” 

“Thank you,” Shido says into the phone. Curt and crisp. His polite self. To Goro, he turns around looking rather pleased, and says, “Of course.” 

He slips out of his wet shirt and lays down next to his son. Finally, finally! Goro can lay in Papa’s arms like he’s been dying to do! This place, wrapped in Shido’sstrong embrace, his home! The cawing crows of his insecurity are silent. Goro can’t feel their relentless wings in his head anymore. He feels…quiet. At ease. In a way he’s never truly been before. 

He says some things, then they both fall completely silent. Goro knows his mind is gone. His body is in control now. That should be concerning, but he feels so safe in this moment that he doesn’t even care. 

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. Goro gasps and buries himself into the sheets. He doesn’t know why—it’s not like it would be the first time they’ve been caught in bed together by someone from the Kantei staff. Goro is normally indifferent, as is Shido, but right now he feels…more vulnerable than usual. Much more. 

“It’s alright,” Shido says, rubbing his shoulders to calm him. “I called for them.” He ambles out of bed and answers the door. Once again, to the staff he says a routine, “Thank you.” 

Goro thinks he hears a ‘yes sir’ on the other side of the door. He’s buried in blankets up to his nose. 

To his surprise, the door closes again. Shido is holding a tray. They’re alone again. It wasn’t business, it was just…room service. The tray bears a delicious meal. Omurice, crisp agedashi tofu, and edamame beans in soy sauce. There’s a Ramune too, Goro’s favorite flavor. 

“This is for you,” Shido announces. Like this is a casual gesture he would give without a second thought. He approaches Goro with the tray, laying it down in front of him carefully. Smoothing away the sheets so that Goro can sit up. 

Goro stares at the bounty in disbelief. “Oh, no, that’s okay, Papa. I’m not hungry…”

“No. It’s not okay.” Shido shakes his head firmly. Refusing to hear any objections. “You didn’t eat dinner. You need to eat.” Shido sits down next to him and picks up a spoon. “You like this meal, don’t you? Come on. Let’s go, start eating. No more excuses.” 

Shido splits the omelet with the edge of the spoon and takes a moderate sized scoop of rice. He holds the spoon to Goro’s lips and commands, “Eat.” 

Shattered by the sincerity of this gesture, Goro’s helplessly opens his mouth. He hums in raw pleasure as Shido spoon feeds him the rice. It tastes so good! Shockingly enough, Goro’s stomach rumbles once he starts eating. Turns out he was hungry after all! 

“Hmph. I knew it.” Of course Shido heard his stomach. He tuts smugly, spooning more food into Goro’s waiting mouth. “How does it taste?” 

Goro swallows. His eyes close in supreme happiness. “It’s delicious, Papa. Thank you.” 

“Good.” Shido nods as if this was the only acceptable option. He feeds him the rest of the omurice, down to the last spoonful. Then he starts on the side dishes. He tells Goro to pop open the Ramune (because that’s the fun part), then he holds it to Goro’s lips while he drinks.

This is by far the happiest Goro has ever been in his life. He wants to question whether he even deserves to be this happy, but he really can’t manage to feel any doubts. He’s surrounded by nothing but Papa’s sweet love. He can see it everywhere he looks, feel it on everything he touches. 

It’s perfect. Goro doesn’t ever want this moment to end. 

When Goro is done (he ate everything, not leaving even a single morsel on the place, on Shido’s orders), Shido takes the tray away. Leaving it outside their room for one of the staff to take. 

As they lay in bed together, Goro nestles as close to Shido as he possibly can. Slotting every inch of himself against some part of his father’s body. Needing him to be close. Closer, always closer. Shido lets him. He strokes Goro’s damp hair and holds him to his bare chest. 

“How are you feeling now?” Shido asks.

“So good…” Goro moans. Better than he ever has! But he’s too shy to say that last part. All he says is, “Papa washing me, then feeding me dinner in bed. Wow!” He looks Shido in the eye. “I must be the luckiest boy in the world.”

Shido pats his face tenderly. “You are,” he assures him. “And don’t you ever forget it.” 

He won’t. This time, he really won’t. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is me curating my preferred p5 fandom experience lol. Thanks to all the readers for being down for the ride!


End file.
